One of the most painful things she ever had to do was to come to terms with how little love she was willing to accept into her life.
She was so focused on seeing and recognizing his soul that she did not allow herself to see the fallible man underneath.
As she looked back on all that she had been through she noticed patterns that had been repeating for centuries. She noticed all the things that she conceded to for way longer than she should have. She noticed the continued loss of self trying to be “good enough”. Trying to replace the fear.
The fear is what always struck her hard as it crept in in an elusive way that allowed it to almost become an invisible partner in life and relationships. She had always held on for way too long due to fear. She had ignored the inner voices in her head, wanting to believe that she was lovable and always willing to do almost anything to prove that.
It is in the quiet moments, the moments of solitude that she now finds the pain and sorrow that help to release the fear. And just when she thinks she has gotten to the end, a new wave appears to carry her deeper into the truth of her soul, so that she doesn’t stay anywhere out of fear, but she stays out of love.