Have you ever had those days?
I am sure you have. It is a part of the human experience…until it is not anymore. It is something I struggle with although it does and has become easier to relinquish where I want to be for where I am.
What does this look like, you may ask? For many it feels like anxiety. Those anxious thoughts that won’t leave your mind. It feels like struggle where feelings that do not feel nice start to come out to play. It feels like heavy heartedness, where your heart may feel heavy and sad. It feels like irritability. Like time not moving fast enough. Like time moving too fast. It feels like all of these things and so much more. It feels as if it will last forever and the struggle will never cease.
The funny part though is that when we feel this way, we are trying to hold onto something that doesn’t exist. We are living in a thought or a memory that we feel we really really want instead of allowing life experiences to flow through.
The more we think we know what we want, the more we hold onto the way things should be, the way we think they are supposed to be, the deeper we struggle.
Today I am in that struggle. It comes into my life from time to time now. Not as often as it once did.
I feel anxious. I feel as if I want to get to a different chapter of my life but I know I still have 48 pages left to read before I get there (and boy am I a slow reader).
So today I choose to “love myself more, not less” (thank you Matt Kahn and Julie Dittmar), today I choose to be gentle with myself. Today I choose to invite those emotions in and sit with them and be kind to them. Today I choose to be okay with exactly where I am at (even though it may not feel pretty).
I choose to do this because I know deep down that I am exactly where I need to be. That I cannot rush things as there is a divine purpose and a divine plan that is guiding me.
Today I work through these feelings until they are ready to leave.
I know that will be once I learn and integrate the lessons and gifts being shown to me. I know that I cannot be anyplace other than the place where I am.
I know that this fight will end and I will go back to being able to receive what this world has to offer, which is what I need, instead of fighting for what I think I want.
It feels so amazing when I stop fighting against the world and start allowing what the world is offering me.